Last year, I was asked to teach a storytelling from the soul workshop at the Bioneers Conference(www.bioneers.org ) in Marin County. I wrote this article and thought I'd post it as it feels relevent to this blog.

“Restoring Our Souls”                                           

Tanya Taylor Rubinstein

Much is being said these days about restoring the earth. The eco-systems that have been badly disrupted the chemicals and technology that is being used to poison our food and water; Climate change and wars that are reaping destruction on the wounded body of Mother Earth.

There is much to be said about that. It is crucial and important. How it is said and conveyed to others is, in my experience, even more important.

My work is the work of restoring the human soul. My own first and then, when I feel rooted in that, extending to others from a place of wholeness. I have come to recognize that until I restore my soul to balance, I do not have the necessary energy or inspiration to truly help the restoration of the planet. I believe this is true for others; whatever “talk” they’re “talking. My hope is that offering others some of the necessary tools and inspiration to restore their own souls, in turn they create different tools to support other communities; plant, animal, mineral, human. I have come to recognize that it does not matter the form or forms we are serving. If we are living from our souls, we will be guided. We will know what to do. We will wake up to our assignment on this planet. We all have one and they are all equally important. They may look very different but when we are living in our spiritual connectedness, we will be guided through “inspired action” to serve in the way that is most true to the fabric of our own soul.

I serve through supporting people in giving voice to stories of their lives. I serve through supporting people in their deepening connection to their creativity as writers and performers. I serve by utilizing theater as a vehicle for awakening and transformation. I serve through the art of solo performance. I serve by offering what I love the most to others and utilizing my training as an artist to be the container for my soul to express itself.

I’ve come to find that it doesn’t matter what your container is; only that you find one. You can serve by gardening; by mediating, by teaching, by being a scientist, by being a poet. You can serve by cooking, by writing a book, or being in Public Relations. You will serve in whatever you’re doing.

But will you choose to serve your soul’s calling or your ego?

I met a man recently who is an environmentalist who just came back from the South Pole. He was literally shrieking and shaking when he was talking to me in a restaurant. He was screaming that it’s already too late for the planet. The ice is melting. He had seen it for himself.

I realized that I felt an aversion to him. Not to his information, which I believed to be accurate, but to him. Then I took a deep breath and re-connected to my own soul.  I realized that he had been so traumatized by his experience (and perhaps by many experiences before seeing the melting ice) that he was actually contributing to the problems of the planet rather than healing them. He was so out of his connection with his own soul, that his message of fear had only made him ineffective in conveying what he cared about the very most.

I have seen this pattern in myself and in others. When I care about something changing in myself and others; I can approach things in two ways. One is to “preach at”, harangue, attempt to “convince”, act desperate, get hysterical, act urgently, get angry, judge, defy or act out in any infinite number of ways to attempt to control others, get them to do things my way. I have found, through the microcosm of my mothering and as a spouse, that these are methods of my ego and are entirely ineffective as well as being destructive to the very thing I care about conveying. It is not just the message; it is the messenger. And, how we convey the same information, changes everything. It changes the entire world.

When I am living from my soul, I am offering information, presence and love in all my actions. I am offering a way of seeing the world, through my very being-ness. I am offering this to others, but have let go of my attachment to how it is perceived by others. I am patient. I trust the life force. I am doing my part to inspire and create. I am acting from my soul, not my ego. Underneath, always, I care about the same things. The restoration of our planet, that all children and animals are cared for and loved, that people and earth have the opportunity to be healthy in mind, body and spirit, that there is compassion and support for elders and the dying. That people know themselves and their power and their purpose.

But, how I convey the expression of my caring is the crucial difference. If I am speaking from the authority of my own soul, I am clear and effective. If I give in to the urgency of my ego, I am fragmented, nervous, angry and ineffective.

One of the people I respect the most on the planet right now is Bono. He is living proof that when we speak from our soul, with respect for another, miracles happen. I love the fact that in Washington, republicans and democrats alike love Bono. I do not think this is only because of his mystique as a rock star. Of course that is what gets him in the door, but I do not believe why it is why people respond. I have seen Bono interviewed. He believes it is his privilege and responsibility to help all people in any way that he can.  How he does it is what’s amazing. He gets people to change. He gets a stubborn, conservative president to become “soft” and liberal when it comes to relieving billions of dollars of debt for poor African nations. How does he do this? How does he bring  seemingly polarized people together around issues of huge importance.

He speaks from his soul. He speaks from his passion without speaking from anger. He appeals to people’s humanity. He doesn’t take sides. He says that he will speak to anybody, of any political affiliation, of any religious persuasion if it will help. He is speaking directly from his soul and he is healing the world.

Within my own self, I have had to heal my own soul and continue to be vigilant to that commitment. I see so clearly, the tendencies in myself to give into laziness, self indulgence, anger, self righteousness and fear. I see my tendency to want “others” “out there” to fix the problems in the world. I am afraid of really taking ownership for how responsible and powerful I am, and that my mission is no less important than Bono’s or any other being on the planet.

It is my gift to speak up and speak out and to strive to do it from my soul. That means transparency, humility and the sharing of my authentic experience. It also means, focusing on how I communicate to others. Am I respecting them, and all of the pain they carry with them? Am I having compassion for how they may be disconnected from their true selves?

When I am stuck on what to convey and how to I convey it, do I jump in mindlessly following my own agenda or do I take a deep breath and ask my soul “now what?” and follow from there?

When you decide to do your one person show, you give your voice the opportunity to speak from it’s deepest “soul place” and be deeply heard.

Will you answer the call?

Tanya Taylor Rubinstein teachers solo performance classes in Santa Fe, N.M . and works with people in four day one on one sessions to create their solo shows. If you want to create a one person show, e-mail me at Tanya@ProjectLifeStories.org

Most of you reading this blog, I am assuming,are either dreaming of or working on your one person show. I have seen lives changed, both the performer's and the audience's by solo shows.

I remember my first one woman show, "Honeymoon in India". In it, I told the story of going to see a famous guru on my honeymoon who turned out to be the exact opposite of what I expected. I revealed vulnerabilities about my relationships with my husband and mother. I portrayed my own "spoiled Amercian self "who freaked out and lost it when pushed to the limit in a foreign and unfamiler culture. I took risks. It was funny and poignant and to this day, I stand behind the work.  It changed my life forever.

People came up to afterwards and began sharing thir stories with me. One woman told me that she had a similar painful issue with her mother as I did with mine and she had never heard it spoken of before. Hearing it onstage had been healing for her.

Before this experience, I was in many plays that didn't inspire me.Not because some of these plays were't well written or "good"(one won a Pulitzer Prize) But I needed more than acting out somebody elses story or vision.

I was so interested in my own stories as well as characters whose stories weren't being represented in our culture. In truth, although a solo show can be the most terrifying thing a person can embark upon (onstage, alone, no other actors, exposing your life, your concerns, characters that you have created), it is also an actors dream. You are, for once in your acting life, completly empowered in your material. The show you write, perform and offer comes from your deepest longings, passions and desires of what YOU want to express to others, onstage. You also are able to showcase your acting abilities in a way that in unavailable in any traditionl theater.Do you do one charatcer or fifty? That will depend on you and your range but there is infinite creativity in a way a solo show can be written. And it can and should be written around your strengths.

I gurantee you that if you have the guts to stand onstage and express your deepest soul,and fully claim yourself in this way,you will never be the same. And neither will your career. Unexpected miracles come for those of us who have the courage to SOAR.

FOR INFORMATION ABOUT MY COACHING SERVICES VISIT: www.ProjectLifeStories.org. I teach on going solo performance and memoir classes in Santa Fe,New Mexico and work one on one with clients from out of state who come to work with me for 2-4 days. (ongoing online support availble before and after)

One of my mantras in the solo classes I teach is "your presence is enough". In fact it's everything.

But what does this exactly mean? It means that you are fully onstage, in the moment with your breath, with your eye contact, with a full connection to your emotions, with your body alive, connected to the ground beneath you, with your full vibrancy and excitement in the stories you're about to tell or charctaers you're about to portray. It means showing up fully, with ALL of you. That is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your audience. That is your presence.

It's also called commitment. Total committment to the monologue you're sharing. Total committment to being,moment by moment with your material. It is also a matter of trust. You must learn to control your mind. Do not ever give in to self doubt onstage. Trust your gift. You are being intimate, you are exposing human truth. Some people will weep for joy. Some may storm out of the theater because you've pushed their buttons. They weren't ready for that much authenticity. Doesn't matter. The only way to do a solo show without it dissolving into a sloppy mess is to stand fully in yourself, in your life, your creativity and presence.

To be present, one has to learn to conquer one's fear. Work with it, sit with it, move it. One has to master the fear or it will pull one out of the moment. Out of presence. And when you're flying by the seat of your pants, in this riskiest and most thrilling form of theater, your true presence is the only ground beneath your feet.

When you are creating solo material, it is very important that you give yourself total permission to be free in your exploration.........this means that you do not edit yourself at the beginning stages of this process.

It means.....begin with stories. It means be as specific as you can but give yourself permission to "speak the unspeakable", if only to yourself. To be emotionally honest,onstage one has to begin by being honest with oneself. About what? My experience has been, about everything.........Does this mean that every moment in your life will show up in your show? Of course not.........Later in the process, it will be very important to focus on themes and create a monologue that reaches OUT to your audience. Not one that only reaches IN.

But, in your creative process, one must often go all the way IN to oneself, to bring something of value OUT to others.

Here are a few excersises to open your FLOW:

Write without stopping on any of the following topics:

(15 minutes each.....do not pick pen up from paper.....do not stop to edit...follow your first thoughts....write into the emotion rather than around it......just don't stop for 15 minutes no matter what unless the house is on fire!)

The first time......at 2:00 in the morning....my best day.......saying goodbye........first kiss.......the kitchen table..........my father.............my mother.........the last time...........side effects..........virginity................NYC.............Christmas morning........I can't remember...........stolen moments..........morning light........

Next: Walk around your room slowly and speak on a topic first as yourself, then as your 5 year old self, then as your 16 year old self, then as your mother, then as your father, then as your first love.

Embody the character. How do you walk at 5 or 16? How do you talk? Embody your mother......How does she walk and talk? Does she have any mannerisms. Allow each character to tell a story through you....start with any topic like: home or chocolate....or .......by the sea......or...... the first time........or ......my teacher..... or..... the hospital.

Choose a moment in life and tell us the story......speak the story.......feel the story........smell and taste the story.....become the story....embody the story.

Begin here...........with the story.

Feel free.....do not judge.....speak through it..........move your body as you tell it...write through it........swim to the other side.

o.k....so I said I would continue this five days or so ago...I lied...sorry!

Containers about solo performance other than first person storytelling:

Original character monologues centered around a particular theme: I love this format. It is great for an accomplished actor to work in this format. This is John Leguizamo in "Mambo Mouth".....this is Danny Hoch in "Jails, Hospitals and Hip Hop", this is Sarah Jones in "Bridge and Tunnel"........

I remember seeing "Mambo Mouth" when it came to the Greer Garson Theater at the College of Santa Fe many years back. There was a scrim in the center of the stage. John used this to go behind to transform from one character to the next. He used lighting and music so that we were "in" on the transformation. And he was going from "little boy in the tenement" to "transvestite hooker" in about 30 seconds.....sneakers off...stilettos and wig on....all in front of our eyes.

All his charaters were loosly related through connections that he would refer to in the monologues and by place (a neighborhood in New York). He gave himself a tremendous amount of freedom in this simple structure and could showcase characters that were quite obviously inspired by people he knew (and himself as a child) in his predominantly Puerto Rican neighborhood.

When you are creating original charaters for the first time, work close to home. That means begin with the characters that already "live inside" so to speak. That means your grandmother, your father, your crazy Aunt Daisy, your neurotic first cousin Marge........Play with them through improvisation....walk around your room...assume their walk or posture or all three. Tell a story out loud from their point of view. Repeat a phrase that they repeated over and over until it jumpstarts your imagination and leads you into a story.

Or, interview someone. can be anybody. A store clerk, a housekeeper, your child's teacher, your child.......ask them to tell you about their life, family, where they came from...doesn't matter. Then, go back and write a monologue based on your interview. See what it feels like to become them.

This technique is how my former student, Michelle Vest created her show "Sole Surviver's" about immigrants stories. It all began when she asked her Mexican housekeeper to tell her story.

This technique of interviewing served Anna Devere Smith well. It's how she created her Pulitzer Prize winning script "Fires in the Mirror" as well as"Twilight:Los Angeles" I saw her perform "Fires in the Mirror" back in '96 when she was touring with it. She chose, in both cases, a provocative, racially divisive event (Rodney King and LA Riots) and interviewed people from all sides of the issues. She played African Americans, Caucasiens, Asians, old, young,in-between with varying levels of success (in my humble opinion)..regardless...she creates theater thatreminded me more of a documentary film than anything else.....but I digress....

If you are an actor, this is certainly a bold choice. Basically, the idea is to create either short (Ms Devere-Smith did about 50 or 60 short monologues in each show) or longer (Michelle did four, fifteen minute monolgues), John Leguizamo probably did 8-10 monologues that are cenetered around a general or more specific theme. through each monologue, you contribute to the over-riding theme of your show.

Oh and I have omitted what began as a one woman show but is now usually performed by several actresses at once and that is "The Vagina Monologues" o.k. well this is a teaser........I will devote an entire blog to my mixed feelings about "The Vagina Monologues" at a later date...ok, let me throw in one phrase right now "The Emperer (or should I say Vagina) has no clothes." But technically, this world-wide phenomenan (good title, Eve!...even better P.R!) is in the same category as the other shows mentioned. Rent them if you can find them or look for excepts on youtube or online. Also, order the scripts. They are excellent models.

When I am teaching my solo performance classes, I like my students to watch a variety of shows to get them familier with certain "forms' or "containers' that are commonly and successfully used regardless of the content of the piece.

The first is the autobiographical monologue. Usually, this form is a compelling, lifechanging story where the performer is the protagonist. This form of embodied storytelling has been used by many famous monologuests, from Mark Twain to Spalding Gray to Julia Sweeney ("God Said Ha!"- pure genius...you can rent the DVD) The key to this type of show being a success, in my experience, is the storyteller really having an interesting personal story to share that has hurdles and obstacles to overcome. This is the classic "Hero's Journey" type structure and is ultimatly about transformation. We, as the audeince should feel that we have personally engaged in this journey with our hero and come out changed (as is she or he) on the other side. There must be a compelling reason for the performer to share their story. If it has humor, interesting characters that we meet thru our protaganist along the way, high dramatic stakes,high personal stakes and a really committed storyteller, then chances of having a successful show go up.

I must put a word of caution out here. Autobiographical Solo Perfomance can be funny, brilliant, intimate and fulfilling at it's best.

At it's worst, it can be narcissitic, self absorbed, sloppy and even embarrassing for the audience to watch.

This is the crux of the issue for professional solo performance artists and this is the most important work I do with my clients and students. Here's the magic key:

THE STORY MUST BE BIGGER THAT YOU. You may say "But wait...this story is all about me" Wrong-o. The story may be autobiographical but it must reach into universal themes, it must have movement, it must be humble, it must be authentic, it must REACH YOUR AUDIENCE. You are using your life as your artistry but that doesn't make it any less an art.

This is sometimes why some critics have been wary of solo shows.  If you are using your show to aggrandize your ego, play the victim/martyr or hold the audience hostage to validate your childhood dramas, please get therapy. I really don't mean to be glib. Come back to the solo show format when you have something to offer; an adventure to take us on, a journey-either inner or outer, some wisdom to share based on your direct experience (not judgements or opinions-more about that in another blog).

A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are processing heavy emotional material (a divorce, death, chilhood abuse etc.) you do not want to work with that material in a show until you have gotten some distance from the experience. This is not to be confused with a theraputic monologue process (which I have developed and worked with extensively with trauma survivers). Yours is an artistic process with different goals and higher creative standards. It doesn't mean you can't ever use the experience as material. You just can't use it until you have some emotional distance and perspective. Ho. Amen. Om Shanti.....in spiritual terms that means "Trust me on this one!"

O.K. I have to sleep......more on the other solo show formats tomorrow.

By the way, my first show, "Honeymoon In India" followed this format to the tee. You can watch an excerpt on my youtube page which is connected to this blog. Good night!

One of the most enjoyable people I've worked with on her solo show is a performing and visual artist named Michelle Vest. I remember that when Michelle initially began working with me, she thought she wanted to do an autobiographical show about her journey into motherhood.

What a surprising twist~ Her art and inspiration took her in an entirely different direction once she began to create. One of the assignements I always give to my students is to create a monologue based on an interview with someone they don't know very well.

Michelle interviewed a woman who helped her out with her child and housekeeping. This woman came across the border from Mexico and told Michelle some of the harrowing stories of her life and what she had to do to come to the States and work. I will never forget when Michelle came to class and performer her monologue of this woman. She completly embodied her. There was a depth and power in the work. This excited Michelle and set her on her path to create "Sole Surviver's"; a show where she plays four immigrants form Mexico and El Salvador, based on personal interviews she had with these people. In this work, she really gives voice to those that are generally "voiceless" in our culture.

Once again, we see the invitation of solo performance to offer us a window of intimacy into people's lives that we might never see or know otherwise. A window that offers us more understanding, more empathy and more power we choose to view each other. How can we stay seperate and experience each other as "stranger's"?....we cannot, once we hear each others authentic and vulnerable stories.We are brought together in our humanity when we really drop into these monologues and just listen.

Michelle is performing her show in Philadelphia this month and in October at Stage Left Studios....I am thrilled that others will see this amazing world she has created. Blessings, Michelle. Your artistry and presence is a blessing. www.MichelleVest.com and www.StageLeftStudios.com

What is solo performance really about?

I was at a wedding in Maine this week and had a wonderful conversation with a professor of art who sat next to me at the reception. He asked me what I did and as always, I got ready to give a rather long explanation. Becuase, although performance art, storytelling and one-person shows have actually been around for a long time, it is still a marginalized art form. Many people don't exactly know what I mean when I say that I'm a director and performer who specializes in solo performance.

But this man got it right off the bat. He said "like Spalding Gray"? I said "yes, I was writing about how he was my first inspiration on my blog last week." Turns out that he had invited him in as a guest lecturer for his students many years ago after seeing him perform on Wooster Street at the Performing Garage in one of his first shows. So, we were off and running......

He asked me what I thought the value of solo performance actually was. What a great question to be asked! I said that I thought it served many purposes culturally; it gives expression to those who may be marginilized in our society, it empowers actors and performers who may be making a living doing commercials or working as bartenders; in their show they reveal their talent and their souls-beyond that they can take personal responsibility for their creatvity in a way that doesn't happen if they're waiting around to be "cast," in somebody elses movie. It is an opportunity to examine our families and personal stories thru the characters we choose to create, it's the opportunity to take a "Hero's Journey" in the Joseph Campbell sense as we reveal our own stuggles and obstacles and utilize them as a path to transformation. It is a way to express the intimacy and connection we all yearn for by "speaking the unspeakable" and exploring the taboo thru our stories. It is a way to "claim oneself" with a depth rarely available onstage or in life. Well, I guess that's some of what it's been about for me...Other's may answer the question similarly or differently. But, in the end I can say one thing for certain. If one has the courage to stand on a stage, alone, and claim their life, their creativity, their characters, their stories and/ or their transformations, their life will never be the same. They will be BIGGER than they previously knew. And, with each performance they will grow in this knowing.

In the end, I would say that solo performance has no less possibility that the awakening of the soul to itself. For the performer and for the audience. Does this mean, it always happens? No. But, this is the invitation!

Wow, what an amazing journey.............