Last year, I was asked to teach a storytelling from the soul workshop at the Bioneers Conference(www.bioneers.org ) in Marin County. I wrote this article and thought I'd post it as it feels relevent to this blog.

“Restoring Our Souls”                                           

Tanya Taylor Rubinstein

Much is being said these days about restoring the earth. The eco-systems that have been badly disrupted the chemicals and technology that is being used to poison our food and water; Climate change and wars that are reaping destruction on the wounded body of Mother Earth.

There is much to be said about that. It is crucial and important. How it is said and conveyed to others is, in my experience, even more important.

My work is the work of restoring the human soul. My own first and then, when I feel rooted in that, extending to others from a place of wholeness. I have come to recognize that until I restore my soul to balance, I do not have the necessary energy or inspiration to truly help the restoration of the planet. I believe this is true for others; whatever “talk” they’re “talking. My hope is that offering others some of the necessary tools and inspiration to restore their own souls, in turn they create different tools to support other communities; plant, animal, mineral, human. I have come to recognize that it does not matter the form or forms we are serving. If we are living from our souls, we will be guided. We will know what to do. We will wake up to our assignment on this planet. We all have one and they are all equally important. They may look very different but when we are living in our spiritual connectedness, we will be guided through “inspired action” to serve in the way that is most true to the fabric of our own soul.

I serve through supporting people in giving voice to stories of their lives. I serve through supporting people in their deepening connection to their creativity as writers and performers. I serve by utilizing theater as a vehicle for awakening and transformation. I serve through the art of solo performance. I serve by offering what I love the most to others and utilizing my training as an artist to be the container for my soul to express itself.

I’ve come to find that it doesn’t matter what your container is; only that you find one. You can serve by gardening; by mediating, by teaching, by being a scientist, by being a poet. You can serve by cooking, by writing a book, or being in Public Relations. You will serve in whatever you’re doing.

But will you choose to serve your soul’s calling or your ego?

I met a man recently who is an environmentalist who just came back from the South Pole. He was literally shrieking and shaking when he was talking to me in a restaurant. He was screaming that it’s already too late for the planet. The ice is melting. He had seen it for himself.

I realized that I felt an aversion to him. Not to his information, which I believed to be accurate, but to him. Then I took a deep breath and re-connected to my own soul.  I realized that he had been so traumatized by his experience (and perhaps by many experiences before seeing the melting ice) that he was actually contributing to the problems of the planet rather than healing them. He was so out of his connection with his own soul, that his message of fear had only made him ineffective in conveying what he cared about the very most.

I have seen this pattern in myself and in others. When I care about something changing in myself and others; I can approach things in two ways. One is to “preach at”, harangue, attempt to “convince”, act desperate, get hysterical, act urgently, get angry, judge, defy or act out in any infinite number of ways to attempt to control others, get them to do things my way. I have found, through the microcosm of my mothering and as a spouse, that these are methods of my ego and are entirely ineffective as well as being destructive to the very thing I care about conveying. It is not just the message; it is the messenger. And, how we convey the same information, changes everything. It changes the entire world.

When I am living from my soul, I am offering information, presence and love in all my actions. I am offering a way of seeing the world, through my very being-ness. I am offering this to others, but have let go of my attachment to how it is perceived by others. I am patient. I trust the life force. I am doing my part to inspire and create. I am acting from my soul, not my ego. Underneath, always, I care about the same things. The restoration of our planet, that all children and animals are cared for and loved, that people and earth have the opportunity to be healthy in mind, body and spirit, that there is compassion and support for elders and the dying. That people know themselves and their power and their purpose.

But, how I convey the expression of my caring is the crucial difference. If I am speaking from the authority of my own soul, I am clear and effective. If I give in to the urgency of my ego, I am fragmented, nervous, angry and ineffective.

One of the people I respect the most on the planet right now is Bono. He is living proof that when we speak from our soul, with respect for another, miracles happen. I love the fact that in Washington, republicans and democrats alike love Bono. I do not think this is only because of his mystique as a rock star. Of course that is what gets him in the door, but I do not believe why it is why people respond. I have seen Bono interviewed. He believes it is his privilege and responsibility to help all people in any way that he can.  How he does it is what’s amazing. He gets people to change. He gets a stubborn, conservative president to become “soft” and liberal when it comes to relieving billions of dollars of debt for poor African nations. How does he do this? How does he bring  seemingly polarized people together around issues of huge importance.

He speaks from his soul. He speaks from his passion without speaking from anger. He appeals to people’s humanity. He doesn’t take sides. He says that he will speak to anybody, of any political affiliation, of any religious persuasion if it will help. He is speaking directly from his soul and he is healing the world.

Within my own self, I have had to heal my own soul and continue to be vigilant to that commitment. I see so clearly, the tendencies in myself to give into laziness, self indulgence, anger, self righteousness and fear. I see my tendency to want “others” “out there” to fix the problems in the world. I am afraid of really taking ownership for how responsible and powerful I am, and that my mission is no less important than Bono’s or any other being on the planet.

It is my gift to speak up and speak out and to strive to do it from my soul. That means transparency, humility and the sharing of my authentic experience. It also means, focusing on how I communicate to others. Am I respecting them, and all of the pain they carry with them? Am I having compassion for how they may be disconnected from their true selves?

When I am stuck on what to convey and how to I convey it, do I jump in mindlessly following my own agenda or do I take a deep breath and ask my soul “now what?” and follow from there?

When you decide to do your one person show, you give your voice the opportunity to speak from it’s deepest “soul place” and be deeply heard.

Will you answer the call?

Tanya Taylor Rubinstein teachers solo performance classes in Santa Fe, N.M . and works with people in four day one on one sessions to create their solo shows. If you want to create a one person show, e-mail me at Tanya@ProjectLifeStories.org

Most of you reading this blog, I am assuming,are either dreaming of or working on your one person show. I have seen lives changed, both the performer's and the audience's by solo shows.

I remember my first one woman show, "Honeymoon in India". In it, I told the story of going to see a famous guru on my honeymoon who turned out to be the exact opposite of what I expected. I revealed vulnerabilities about my relationships with my husband and mother. I portrayed my own "spoiled Amercian self "who freaked out and lost it when pushed to the limit in a foreign and unfamiler culture. I took risks. It was funny and poignant and to this day, I stand behind the work.  It changed my life forever.

People came up to afterwards and began sharing thir stories with me. One woman told me that she had a similar painful issue with her mother as I did with mine and she had never heard it spoken of before. Hearing it onstage had been healing for her.

Before this experience, I was in many plays that didn't inspire me.Not because some of these plays were't well written or "good"(one won a Pulitzer Prize) But I needed more than acting out somebody elses story or vision.

I was so interested in my own stories as well as characters whose stories weren't being represented in our culture. In truth, although a solo show can be the most terrifying thing a person can embark upon (onstage, alone, no other actors, exposing your life, your concerns, characters that you have created), it is also an actors dream. You are, for once in your acting life, completly empowered in your material. The show you write, perform and offer comes from your deepest longings, passions and desires of what YOU want to express to others, onstage. You also are able to showcase your acting abilities in a way that in unavailable in any traditionl theater.Do you do one charatcer or fifty? That will depend on you and your range but there is infinite creativity in a way a solo show can be written. And it can and should be written around your strengths.

I gurantee you that if you have the guts to stand onstage and express your deepest soul,and fully claim yourself in this way,you will never be the same. And neither will your career. Unexpected miracles come for those of us who have the courage to SOAR.

FOR INFORMATION ABOUT MY COACHING SERVICES VISIT: www.ProjectLifeStories.org. I teach on going solo performance and memoir classes in Santa Fe,New Mexico and work one on one with clients from out of state who come to work with me for 2-4 days. (ongoing online support availble before and after)

One of my mantras in the solo classes I teach is "your presence is enough". In fact it's everything.

But what does this exactly mean? It means that you are fully onstage, in the moment with your breath, with your eye contact, with a full connection to your emotions, with your body alive, connected to the ground beneath you, with your full vibrancy and excitement in the stories you're about to tell or charctaers you're about to portray. It means showing up fully, with ALL of you. That is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your audience. That is your presence.

It's also called commitment. Total committment to the monologue you're sharing. Total committment to being,moment by moment with your material. It is also a matter of trust. You must learn to control your mind. Do not ever give in to self doubt onstage. Trust your gift. You are being intimate, you are exposing human truth. Some people will weep for joy. Some may storm out of the theater because you've pushed their buttons. They weren't ready for that much authenticity. Doesn't matter. The only way to do a solo show without it dissolving into a sloppy mess is to stand fully in yourself, in your life, your creativity and presence.

To be present, one has to learn to conquer one's fear. Work with it, sit with it, move it. One has to master the fear or it will pull one out of the moment. Out of presence. And when you're flying by the seat of your pants, in this riskiest and most thrilling form of theater, your true presence is the only ground beneath your feet.